From whom all blessings flow

My thoughts are swirling this morning and I don't really know where to begin. I've been on a journey lately. A spiritual journey, an emotional journey and a physical journey. It's been over five months since we lost our baby and I am learning more about my God through these circumstances everyday.

My mom asked me yesterday how I was doing with it all. I sat and thought for a few minutes and I this was my thoughts. It hasn't been easy and it never will be. No one ever wants to experience the loss of a child whether they are 11 weeks in your tummy, 19 years passing in a car accident or 50 some odd years passing from cancer. All three experiences happened back to back. I watched my gremaw lose her husband from a five year battle with cancer. I remember watching his mama barely be able to walk at the thought of her son being gone. This was literally not even a week after I lost our baby. A few months later I watched a family whom we have known for years bury their middle daughter after a car accident. That mama hugged me during her time of hurt and told me she was sorry for my loss and was praying for me. How beautiful. Through all of this my response to my mom was, "God allowed this to happen to me because I needed shaken."

I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ at an early age. I have lived the "American Christian" life ever since. My faith was only strong because life was easy. I was luke warm. We all know what God says about being luke warm! So he shook me! Often times when I am frusterated with a friend, family or someone in general I tell Daniel I just want to shake them! Well God did this to me and I am thankful for it.

My last blog I wrote about being Blessed and this morning during my devotion I read once again about being blessed. Not because I choose to study that topic but that was next day in my Beth Moore study. She said this, "Bibically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life. The hand of God is at work directing all his affairs for a divine purpose, and thus, in a sense, such a person lived coram Deo, before the face of God." I've never thought of being "blessed" like this before. Our human ideas think that we are blessed when we are: successful (in the eyes of the world), have nice things, never "seem" to struggle for anything, etc. I could go on! On the contrare, God says we are blessed when he is present and involved in our life!! Beautiful!! God is at work here and now in my life! He is stirring my heart like never before and while it took an unwanted circumstance it had to happen. My heart needed to be stirred and I needed to be shaked!

I also said in my last blog that I knew one day we would have children whether it was through natural, adoption or both! Well we have always wanted to adopt! After contacting a consultant over a year ago about getting together just to talk about adoption we finally got the chance to! We sat down with a friend and now our consultant to get some information on starting the process! We left the meeting both excited and overhwelmed! We had no idea that adoption could take such a short time! So after seeking some wisdom from some incredible people we decided right now is the time. God is calling us now to take that step of faith! So we have started the process, the ball is rolling and we are thrilled!! We can't wait to welcome into our home a precious little life that is a beautiful gift from God and call them our child!

Twice this week I have heard this verse. Once from a post by our consultant Courtney and another from my dad in his morning text he sends. Acts 4:20, "We are unable to stop speaking about what we have seen and heard." Two different circumstances but the same verse. This should be at the heart of every believer. We should be so excited and overjoyed with the news of Christ we cannot stop speaking about His infinite love!!

Always Blessed

Growing up the only "job" I ever remember wanting was to become a wife and a mom. That was it. Almost 2 years ago I was priveleged with becoming the wife of an amazing man. Someone who loves God and loves me. So check...the first step was complete! I married my Prince and was ready for my Happily Ever After. A year and half after marriage which would be this past March we found out we were having a baby! Well on my way to fulfilling my dreams right?! 11 weeks into my pregnancy I went for a normal check up to find out that our baby went to be in the arms of My Savior. May 20 was a day I will never forget. I went in to hear my babies beating heart and left with the image of an empty black screen in my head. All I kept thinking was Why? The same question we all ask when we face trials. I can't remember a time in my life when I had to face a real "trial". So this was new to me. I was mad that this had happened and heart broken and looking for understanding.

A month or so after, Daniel challenged me to work on one of my life goals. That goal is to memorize a book in the Bible. So I settled on James and really only because I had tried to memorize James before and never did. So round 2.

The first few verses in James state, "Consider it pure Joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perserverance." I began pondering on these verses. What can I learn from my trials and how can I grow in my faith. It goes on to say in another verse, "and when he ask let him believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind."

I realized that even though I am praying for another chance at becoming a mom I was coming up with every scenario possible as to why I may never get another chance. Lesson to learn: no doubting God. He knows my desire to become a mom and one day in His perfect time we will become parents whether it be through natural birth, adoption or both.

The other night Daniel and I went for a walk in the rain. It's been so hot that this actually was really nice! We were talking about being blessed. A word that seems to only be used when life is going "our way". Lesson to learn: Realize that we are blessed in every circumstance we face. We are blessed because we have hope in Jesus Christ. Hope that His plans for Daniel and I are the best plans for our lives.

Psalm 51:12, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Baby Turtle

Daniel and I found out about 5 weeks ago that we are having a little Poe in December!! We are very excited and a little suprised at the same time!! We started out calling our baby Peanut which then turned into Thumper (which is what my mom called me). Then a few days ago I get a picture text from Daniel...he drew a picture of what he thought the babies size was at this point. He added legs, arms and head and some hair...which turned out to look like a Turtle. So now he has changed babies name once again to Baby Turtle! I am 9 weeks and 3 days pregnant and already ready to meet my sweet precious baby!! We are so thankful that God has entrusted us with a new life and we are ready to become parents! Baby Turtle is due December 11, 2010!