My thoughts are swirling this morning and I don't really know where to begin. I've been on a journey lately. A spiritual journey, an emotional journey and a physical journey. It's been over five months since we lost our baby and I am learning more about my God through these circumstances everyday.
My mom asked me yesterday how I was doing with it all. I sat and thought for a few minutes and I this was my thoughts. It hasn't been easy and it never will be. No one ever wants to experience the loss of a child whether they are 11 weeks in your tummy, 19 years passing in a car accident or 50 some odd years passing from cancer. All three experiences happened back to back. I watched my gremaw lose her husband from a five year battle with cancer. I remember watching his mama barely be able to walk at the thought of her son being gone. This was literally not even a week after I lost our baby. A few months later I watched a family whom we have known for years bury their middle daughter after a car accident. That mama hugged me during her time of hurt and told me she was sorry for my loss and was praying for me. How beautiful. Through all of this my response to my mom was, "God allowed this to happen to me because I needed shaken."
I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ at an early age. I have lived the "American Christian" life ever since. My faith was only strong because life was easy. I was luke warm. We all know what God says about being luke warm! So he shook me! Often times when I am frusterated with a friend, family or someone in general I tell Daniel I just want to shake them! Well God did this to me and I am thankful for it.
My last blog I wrote about being Blessed and this morning during my devotion I read once again about being blessed. Not because I choose to study that topic but that was next day in my Beth Moore study. She said this, "Bibically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life. The hand of God is at work directing all his affairs for a divine purpose, and thus, in a sense, such a person lived coram Deo, before the face of God." I've never thought of being "blessed" like this before. Our human ideas think that we are blessed when we are: successful (in the eyes of the world), have nice things, never "seem" to struggle for anything, etc. I could go on! On the contrare, God says we are blessed when he is present and involved in our life!! Beautiful!! God is at work here and now in my life! He is stirring my heart like never before and while it took an unwanted circumstance it had to happen. My heart needed to be stirred and I needed to be shaked!
I also said in my last blog that I knew one day we would have children whether it was through natural, adoption or both! Well we have always wanted to adopt! After contacting a consultant over a year ago about getting together just to talk about adoption we finally got the chance to! We sat down with a friend and now our consultant to get some information on starting the process! We left the meeting both excited and overhwelmed! We had no idea that adoption could take such a short time! So after seeking some wisdom from some incredible people we decided right now is the time. God is calling us now to take that step of faith! So we have started the process, the ball is rolling and we are thrilled!! We can't wait to welcome into our home a precious little life that is a beautiful gift from God and call them our child!
Twice this week I have heard this verse. Once from a post by our consultant Courtney and another from my dad in his morning text he sends. Acts 4:20, "We are unable to stop speaking about what we have seen and heard." Two different circumstances but the same verse. This should be at the heart of every believer. We should be so excited and overjoyed with the news of Christ we cannot stop speaking about His infinite love!!
