Growing up the only "job" I ever remember wanting was to become a wife and a mom. That was it. Almost 2 years ago I was priveleged with becoming the wife of an amazing man. Someone who loves God and loves me. So check...the first step was complete! I married my Prince and was ready for my Happily Ever After. A year and half after marriage which would be this past March we found out we were having a baby! Well on my way to fulfilling my dreams right?! 11 weeks into my pregnancy I went for a normal check up to find out that our baby went to be in the arms of My Savior. May 20 was a day I will never forget. I went in to hear my babies beating heart and left with the image of an empty black screen in my head. All I kept thinking was Why? The same question we all ask when we face trials. I can't remember a time in my life when I had to face a real "trial". So this was new to me. I was mad that this had happened and heart broken and looking for understanding.
A month or so after, Daniel challenged me to work on one of my life goals. That goal is to memorize a book in the Bible. So I settled on James and really only because I had tried to memorize James before and never did. So round 2.
The first few verses in James state, "Consider it pure Joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perserverance." I began pondering on these verses. What can I learn from my trials and how can I grow in my faith. It goes on to say in another verse, "and when he ask let him believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind."
I realized that even though I am praying for another chance at becoming a mom I was coming up with every scenario possible as to why I may never get another chance. Lesson to learn: no doubting God. He knows my desire to become a mom and one day in His perfect time we will become parents whether it be through natural birth, adoption or both.
The other night Daniel and I went for a walk in the rain. It's been so hot that this actually was really nice! We were talking about being blessed. A word that seems to only be used when life is going "our way". Lesson to learn: Realize that we are blessed in every circumstance we face. We are blessed because we have hope in Jesus Christ. Hope that His plans for Daniel and I are the best plans for our lives.
Psalm 51:12, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
